Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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