My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
