Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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