yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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