HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
