***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
