I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
