Don't you send me to vm
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
