I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
