Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
