I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
