Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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