Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
