life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
