So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
