I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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