i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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