How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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