yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
