I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
