I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
