I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
