Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
