the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
