Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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