after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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