Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
