There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize