between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
