the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize