In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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