Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
