I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry about my life...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
