omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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