you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
