i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
