Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
