Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
