There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
