i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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