and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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