she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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