she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
