My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
