I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
