I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
