The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
