Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
