woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's like heaven, but drunker
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
