i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
