drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
