proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
