this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
