I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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