Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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