I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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