ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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