Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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