was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize