The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
