I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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