my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We named our party play list daddy issues
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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