Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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