I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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