I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
