I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
